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How to Boost Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Many kids with ADHD and learning disabilities also struggle with poor self-esteem. Here’s how parents can help.

When children feel good about themselves, everything goes a little easier for them and their parents. But poor self-esteem is a big problem for ADHD children–and an even bigger problem for the 50 percent or so of ADHD children who also have learning difficulties.

To feel good about themselves, children need two things: the sense that they’re successful, both socially and academically, and unconditional love from their parents. If either ingredient is missing, a child will have a hard time developing a sense of self-esteem.

A child might reveal his unhappiness by saying, “I hate my life” or “No one likes me” or “I’m just dumb.”

Does your child say or do things that suggest that he feels he isn’t “good enough” or is unworthy of love? Do her words or behavior suggest that she feels like a failure at school? That her peers aren’t especially fond of her, or that she is otherwise unsuccessful socially?

Negative reactions?

Think back over the past few weeks. Were there times when you or your spouse felt so frustrated by your child’s behavior that you yelled at him or said things that you later regretted? Were there times when you or your spouse tried to avoid your child?

If so, sit down with your spouse and discuss why the two of you are having trouble being calm and affectionate. If it is because of your child’s hyperactivity, inattention, or impulsive behaviours, is his ADHD being properly treated?

If it is her poor performance at school and battles around homework, might she have undiagnosed learning difficulties? If your child’s ADHD behaviours are triggering negative reactions from you, other family members, or other children, it’s essential that you consider the impact this has on his self-esteem.

Billy’s story

Not long ago, I worked with an eight-year-old named Billy. Clearly, he needed to be on ADHD medication, but his parents were wary about putting him on medication throughout the day. At their insistence, I put Billy on a drug regimen that would cover him only at school.

When we met again two weeks later, Billy’s parents told me that he was doing much better at school. But I discovered that there were big problems at home. Billy’s parents were yelling at him on a regular basis–to stop interrupting, to quit jumping on the furniture, to sit still at mealtimes, and so on. When I asked Billy’s parents to consider the effect their yelling might be having on Billy’s self-esteem, they quickly agreed to add medication coverage for evenings and weekends.

Classroom success

Consider what’s going on at school. If your child isn’t keeping up and feels like a failure in the classroom, find out why. Talk to his teacher. Is he having trouble sitting still, staying focused, and participating fully in class? If so, he may be taking the wrong ADHD medication–or may be taking the right medication at the wrong dosage or on the wrong schedule. (If teachers describe your child as hyperactive, distractible, or impulsive, his ADHD is probably not being medicated appropriately.)

Be sure to educate your child’s teacher about ADHD. Ask her to report back to you about any side effects your child might be experiencing, and explain to her how simple accommodations can help. Perhaps all your child needs is better supervision during unstructured times walking in the hall, during recess, and so on). Maybe he simply needs a little help refocusing when he drifts away in class.

Does your child struggle with reading, writing, or math, even though she’s able to sit still and focus during class? Consider the possibility that she has a learning disability.

For information about having your child evaluated for LD, go to LDAAmerica.org.

The importance of friends

As you work to help your child achieve academic success, see what you can do to improve her acceptance among her peers. Observe her as she interacts with them during free play, during structured activities, and in organized sports. Ask his teacher how he behaves in the classroom and on the playground.

Watch your child when he plays outdoors or when he invites a friend over (try not to be conspicuous). Is he too shy and fearful to be an engaging playmate? Is he too rough, or too retiring? Does she have trouble interpreting other children’s body language? Is she too distractible, impulsive, or hyperactive to play? Does he avoid sports because of poor motor skills or hand-eye coordination? Does she have trouble understanding the rules and strategies involved in team sports? In board games?

Once you have a sense of what your child’s specific social problems are, look for solutions. Maybe he needs a different medication regimen or social skills group therapy. Maybe she can try a sport that doesn’t require the same level of fine motor skills or hand-eye coordination.

Or maybe you can find a non-athletic activity he enjoys. It’s not easy to boost a child’s self-esteem. But if you can love your child unconditionally, and if you are willing to do a little detective work regarding peer and school problems, your child should begin to feel better about himself. Good luck! I promise you that your child will appreciate your efforts.

Source: http://www.additudemag.com/

MacKenzie Ebel

MacKenzie is a Psychometrist/Psychological Assistant at RMPS. She completed her Bachelor of Arts in Psychology at Princeton University, where she also played 4 years for the women’s ice hockey team. She recently completed her Masters in Counselling Psychology through City University of Seattle.MacKenzie has worked with children, youth, and their families in a number of settings, through coaching, as a behavioural aid, and counselling through her internship placement. She is excited to continue learning about assessment administration, neurofeedback, and play therapy practices at RMPS! Currently, she is part of the assessment and neurotherapy team, as she completes her final capstone assignment and intends to join our counselling team as a Registered Provisional Psychologist.

Tammy Thomson

Tammy is a graduate of the Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology (MACP) program at Yorkville University and is trained at the master’s level in art therapy as a professional art psychotherapist and member of the Canadian Art Therapy Association. She brings more than 20 years of experience working with children, teens, and families in child development settings, children’s hospitals, and schools as an early childhood educator and elementary teacher.She completed a Bachelor of Applied Science specializing in Child Development Studies at the University of Guelph, Ontario and holds a Graduate Diploma of Teaching and Learning from the University of Canterbury in Christchurch, New Zealand. Tammy is a member of the Canadian Counsellor and Psychotherapy Association and College of Alberta Psychologists while pursuing her next goal of registration as a provisional psychologist. Tammy values a client-centered approach using play therapy and the expressive arts to support those who may find it difficult to articulate their thoughts and feelings with words. Children and families do not need any skill or prior art experience and the art studio is a safe place where children can gain a sense of independence, greater emotional regulation, and confidence through self-exploration. Expressive interventions in art therapy can treat behavioural issues, anxiety, depression, ADHD, autism, learning disabilities, physical and developmental disabilities, and attachment difficulties. As a parent of three young children herself, Tammy understands the complexities of family life using compassion to help parents feel more confident in their role of raising a successful family.

Raquel Freitas

Raquel is an Office Administrator at RMPS. Back in Brazil, her home country, she graduated as a Psychologist and worked as a clinician for the past 5 years. Although she loved working with children and adults, she discovered a new passion: manage the administrative tasks that keep the business running. 

As someone who is passionate about learning new things and developing new skills, with the career transition also came the decision to live abroad and explore a new culture. To serve empathetically and connect with people is Raquel’s main personal and professional goal.

Emma Donnelly

Emma is a Registered Psychologist with the College of Alberta Psychologists. She completed her Bachelor of Arts in Psychology in her hometown at Brandon University, after which she moved to Calgary to earn her Master’s of Science in School and Applied Child Psychology at the University of Calgary.Emma has a passion for working with children and families and has experience doing so in a number of settings, including schools, homes, early intervention programs, and within the community. She specializes in assessment, including psychoeduational, social-emotional-behavioural, and autism assessment. Emma uses a client centred approach to counselling, supported by cognitive behavioural therapy, as well as play-based and attachment-based techniques. She believes in meeting clients where they are at and prides herself in working together with her clients to achieve their goals, improve their functioning, and enjoy their daily life.

Amanda Stoner

Amanda is a Registered Psychologist with the College of Alberta Psychologists. Amanda earned her doctoral degree in Psychology at Brock University in Ontario in 2017, with a specialization in developmental psychology. Amanda provides formal assessment services at RMPS. 

Since 2009, Amanda has received formal training and work experience in private practice settings in conducting psycho-educational assessments for students ranging from preschool through university. Amanda is skilled at test administration, interpretation of data, and report writing for various referral questions including ADHD, Learning Disorders, Autism Spectrum Disorder, Anxiety, Giftedness, and Intellectual Disabilities. Amanda enjoys working with people of all ages from diverse backgrounds, and she tries to make the testing environment feel relaxed and comfortable while maintaining integrity in testing protocol.

Denise Riewe

Denise has completed a Bachelor of Health Sciences through the University of Lethbridge and a Master of Counselling with Athabasca University. She is a Registered Provisional Psychologist with the College of Alberta Psychologists and a member of the Psychological Association of Alberta.Denise has over 9 years of experience supporting children, youth and their families in both residential and community-based practices. Denise is experienced in working with high and at-risk youth, supporting children and their families with strength-based approaches. She practices from a client-center approach supported by Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, Theraplay, and other play and art-based modalities.

John Pynn

John is a Registered Provisional Psychologist with the College of Alberta Psychologists. He completed his Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology at Yorkville University. He brings more than 20 years of experience working with children, teens, and families in a variety of settings. He brings a relaxed and collaborative atmosphere to sessions.John uses an integrated counselling approach including client-centred, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and Solution-Focussed therapy (SFT) to find the best-fit for clients. He has experience with a variety of mental health concerns including anxiety, depression, anger, self-
esteem, relationships, parenting, ADHD, grief/loss, addictions, and trauma. This broad experience comes from working in schools, social service agencies, group-care, and clinical settings. He also draws from the practical experience of being a parent to two teenagers as well as a husband. Supporting and empowering clients with mental health concerns is something John genuinely enjoys. John also provides counselling for adults and holds a Gottman level 1 certification for couples therapy.

Zara Crasto

Zara is a Psychometrist/Psychological Assistant at RMPS. She completed her Bachelor of Science in Psychology at the University of Calgary and her Graduate Diploma in Psychological Assessment at Concordia University of Edmonton. 

Zara has spent over five years working alongside children, adolescents, and their families in a variety of settings. These include public and private schools, in-home support, residential programs, early-intervention programs, and non-profit organizations. Currently, Zara is part of the assessment and neurotherapy team. As a lifelong learner, Zara plans to go back to graduate school and eventually become a psychologist one day.

Kellie Lanktree

Kellie is a Registered Psychologist with the College of Alberta Psychologists. She completed a Bachelor of Child and Youth Care with the University of Victoria and a Master of Education in Counselling Psychology through the University of Lethbridge.Kellie has over 10 years experience supporting children and youth with developmental disorders/delays and their families. Kellie has experience working in schools, clinical settings, and within homes to provide support and therapeutic interventions. Through her time at RMPS, Kellie has also gained experience in helping individuals affected by trauma, grief/loss, separations, emotional dysregulation, depression, and anxiety. Kellie practices through developmental, attachment-based and trauma-informed lenses, and draws from a variety of play-based approaches such as Synergetic Play Therapy, Child-centered play therapy, DIR/Floortime, art-based mediums, and mindfulness-based practices. Kellie also provides Neurofeedback therapy, and is working on receiving her certification through BCIA. Kellie believes in meeting children and their families where they are at and that there is no “one size fits all” for therapy.